Over the 4th of July weekend, my family and I decided to spend the weekend camping in the wild and wooly forests of Montana (Fact). That is precisly where all of the bears hang out (Also a fact). While on the trip, we decided to take the kids fishing (A little lie. I am a lousy fisherman and I don't see myself making my children pay for that fact).
While we were fishing, I wandered around the bend looking for the perfect spot to catch a giant whopper (Still lieing, see above). Just after I dipped my line into the cool water of the stream, I looked up to find a huge 13 foot grizzly bear staring hungerally at me (Okay, this part is also a lie, but my brother in law did see a black bear after we had left and went home). Anyway, the grizzly reared up on his hind legs and let out a huge growl that made the entire forest shake in fear (I think this may be a scene from "The Edge" starring Alec Balwin and Anthony Hopkins.) The bear lunged at me with its mouth gaping wide open filled with over 200 razor sharp teeth (That may be a sharks mouth...) I was able to dodge out of the way just in time and as I rolled to my feet, I noticed I had dropped my well worn fidora and was able to just retreive it before the bears crushing weight would have taken my awsome hat from me forever (This part is from "Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark"). I turned around, stared at the bear, thinking about the scary fact that my family was just a few yards away, and without wasting any time, I charged the bear and tackled him, begining a legendary struggle that raged throught the entire forest ripping up trees and literally reshaping the landscape (I think this part was taken from some Disney cartoon about Paul Bunion and his blue ox Babe).
After an almost godlike effort, I killed the bear in some dramatic way...you know, ripping open his mouth too wide or stabbing him with a stake just as he was about to kill me or something. When the killing was done, it was too late to go home so I cut open his stomach and slept in his guts ("Empire Strikes Back"). The next morning, I got up, ate the bear's heart ("Dances with Wolves"), and made my way back to my family where my wife and five children were waiting with baited breath for my triumphant return (Just a lie).
After all the hubbub and hulabalu, my family drove home with very little to no additional mishap (Absolutley true)!
Hahahahah sounds like quite an adventure! Guess we should all count ourselves lucky you are still with us. :-)
ReplyDeleteWow! What an incredible imagination! I'm glad the whole thing is about an uneventful yet fun camping trip with your family. Camping with your family is never easy. I loved all of your comparisons. So glad nothing was true. I'm not a big fan of an angry bear. Remember Timothy Treadwell; his head was ripped off, and he was torn to pieces. A big old brown bear had a BIG meal. It never hurts to be cautious, especially when camping. So tuck away the candy bars, fish, berries, all food. Don't leave anything out that might be tasty for a hungry bear.
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